


Why Can't I?

by SlytherinMalfoySnape (shinygreenwords)



Category: Matrix
Genre: Angst, Character POV, Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-04-25
Updated: 2004-04-25
Packaged: 2017-10-13 02:36:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/131889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinygreenwords/pseuds/SlytherinMalfoySnape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short musing about Neo and his thoughts on the disadvantages of being The One. Slightly depressing. Neo's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Can't I?

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer: The Matrix is the Wachowski brothers' property.**  
>  Spoilers for the films obviously. Don't read it if you haven't watched it and don't want to get spoiled. This is my first Matrix fic.

I am Neo. To Trinity, I am her friend and lover. To Smith, I am his arc enemy. To Morpheus, the crew and everyone else, I am their saviour. I am THE ONE. To me, I am Neo. A hacker who was once Thomas Anderson. I am me.

What changed so much? I don't see what is so special about being The One. I see it as a burden. A huge one. I have to save the world and it isn't easy. I didn't ask to become The One. I just was. Inside the dark depths of my heart, I still feel that I am the same coward. I feel like I am nothing like The One. Like it is a very separate part of me.

Ever since I have been unplugged from the unreality of the Matrix I feel that I have lived a life even less real. The only tangible, _real_ thing that keeps me going is Trinity. She is real to me. Everything else seems unreal. Maybe it is the reverse. I feel like I am in another Matrix when I am in Zion. Two places that are so different, it is hard to comprehend.

Why can't I show weakness? I always have to be the stoic hero. Why do I always have to be strong? Because I am THE ONE. I hold the hope for all mankind. I have to be perfect. Flawless in every way. Why me? I feel that I always have to prove myself. To show that I am really The One… to show that my abilities aren't sliding. To show that I am not letting the fame get to my head.

Why can't I blend in and have some sense of normality? I wish I were mere wallpaper sometimes. I am not asking for much. Just one day to not be The One. How ironic. I just wish that I could be like everyone else. That I could just have a _life_ and not be chased by agents every other minute. Ignorance is bliss isn't it? I wish I could forget everything. Maybe I should have taken the other pill. But then I would not have Trinity. There are downsides to every choice.

Why can't I take a break? Even heroes need a holiday. Why can't everyone see that? I am not a super-human program even if I do have exceptional abilities. I am still me. Still human.

Why can't I be fallible? I am human and I make mistakes. Just like everyone else. Being The One doesn't mean that everything I do is perfect. Everyone looks up to me but whom do I look to? No one thinks that I need help too. Am I beyond help? Can I save everyone but not myself?

Why can't I be me? The human, weak, imperfect, emotional _person_. I want to be another person walking down the streets of Zion. Such a simple wish but so hard to fulfill. I just want to be free of all this. Why can't I…

…be me?


End file.
